Knocking on Heaven's Door
by Crowdreamer
Summary: AU; MS; Scully angst; This one is an alternate universe of "Never Again", Scully does not get attacked by Ed right away-instead she starts dating him, but he becomes controlling and possessive until their relationship comes to a head. Also highlights the push/pull relationship between M/S. This story is to bring attention to the serious subject of domestic violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Knocking on Heaven's Door**

Scully hung up the phone one more time, exasperated that she still couldn't reach Mulder. But that's the way he ran—hot and cold, sucking her in one minute and leaving her waiting by the phone the next. She sat in her hotel room, alone, writing reports and wishing she could have a warm body next to her, at least once in a while.

Which is why it was like a breath of fresh air meeting Ed in the tattoo shop the next day. She felt a buzz of excitement surge through her veins as he offered her a card with his phone number on it. When she finally talked to Mulder that night, he was a total prick to her, and she was glad to hear a twinge of jealousy in his voice when he asked if she had a date. She was sick of his bullshit. They shared some tender moments together, to be sure, but he could be a bossy asshole at times, and it always hurt worse to be wounded by the ones you love.

She felt rejuvenated after her date. Tipsy and stinging from her new tattoo, she entered Ed's house with careless abandon. The roughness of his grip on her arm should have scared her away, but instead, her body was fully alive in a way she could not remember ever feeling. Her head was telling her to run, but she could not shut off the part of her whispering to '_Go for it…Mulder will be sorry…'_

This was the second time he had been rough with her—he had grabbed her arm in the bar, and for some reason, she liked the steel grip on her skin. For once, she felt dirty…reckless. But was this what she really wanted—to be treated like an object? Why not? Hadn't Mulder treated her like his private vessel by ordering her around? At least there was some mutual gratification in this objectification—there was a spark between she and Ed, and at least she knew she could get somewhere with him. And although he was more physically powerful than she was (in a way that was exciting—it was a challenge), she knew she was more powerful than him in other ways. She had the better job. She was smarter. It was nice to feel like equals—or better.

And so with the abandon of a thirteen-year-old feeling her hormones for the first time, Scully left her rational concerns at the door of Ed's house, and entered his bed.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's notes: Here is the second part to this AU version of the episode "Never Again." You will note the divergence from the original episode in this story. Scully does not find out about the ergot in the tattoo…which leads her to decide to take more of a chance with him._

**Knocking on Heaven's Door **

**Chapter 2**

Scully awoke with confusion, the foreign smell of Ed's cologne wafting into her nostrils. The smooth feel of his wrinkle-free white shirt crinkled on her skin, as the memories of their furious love-making from last night returned to her. Still drowsy, she drifted out of bed.

Just as she began to realize Ed was out, the police showed up, and a weird exchange took place where she drifted from the role of suspect (or suspect's girlfriend, anyway) to authority, and shut the door while the strange encounter began to set off her logical thought processes. '_I need to research this_,' she thought, examining the slip of paper that contained the number of an unknown chemical compound.

But before she could secretly run a check on his computer, Ed was home. '_I should tell him_,' she thought.

"Ed, the police were here." In response to his questioning look, she explained about the neighbor who was missing, and that his blood had been found in her apartment. He had a logical explanation, and she believed him. Still, he looked angry that they even suspected him. She did not understand why, but she let it go.

Ed had brought her coffee and doughnuts for breakfast. '_If only he knew_,' she thought, and decided to tell him.

After she got dressed, he began to gently caress her once again. "I had fun last night," he said. "Can I see you again before you leave?"

She pulled away from him and looked down. "Ed, I have a confession to make." His face drew a blank. "I'm not…visiting my aunt. I'm with the FBI, here on an assignment. And…" She turned her head to the side. "…I have to be back at work today—so there's no way I can stay."

Now Ed looked thoughtful. "Well…how about next weekend? Maybe I can come up there to visit you instead?"

"Ed…" She turned away from him. "I don't know about this. I had fun too, but…"

"But what? Why can't we just enjoy each other's company? We obviously have a spark of…something, for each other."

She had so many arguments why this would not work out. It was long distance, so they wouldn't see each other much. But then there was always e-mail and phones, of course. Distance could hardly be an excuse for avoiding relationships in today's day and age. But there was also the fact that she was an FBI agent, and he was a salesman, and they lived in two different worlds. And her world was so much more dangerous and foreign to him. And then there was Mulder, of course.

Mulder. He would never let her hear the end of this. She didn't know if she could bear the contempt in his voice when she talked about Ed. But what right did he have to decide who she saw? It's not like he was courting her, or even being polite to her half the time. More like ordering her around. Was she going to let his possessive spirit control her?

Her sudden burst of anger made her feel more like taking this little fling with Ed to the next level.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's notes: I am not used to writing in chapters, which is why this chapter is coming out so soon after the first. Usually, I sit down and write the whole story all at once. That's just how I roll—once I get absorbed, it's hard for me to stop. But here it is—I hope you all are enjoying it so far._

**Knocking on Heaven's Door**

**Chapter 3**

Mulder was livid when he found out about Ed, of course. He hid it well—only Scully would be able to notice the tightened muscles around the corners of his mouth, and the way he narrowed his eyes slightly.

'_Good,' _she thought. '_Serves him right._'

"So did you do what I asked you to, and get in touch with the sheriff?" His voice was just a touch louder than it needed to be.

"No, Mulder, I told you—I closed this case. There is no X-file."

"And you just decided this on your own."

"Yes, Mulder—I am a big girl, you know. I think I'm smart enough to make these decisions by myself, thank you."

He ignored her statement of independence and moved in for the attack. "Well maybe if you would take your infatuation-struck eyes off cute guys for a little while you would notice that there is something to this case. This is really important to me, you know." His voice was louder now.

She hissed the next words very deliberately before walking out the door. "You keep my personal life out of this—and every other case."

They avoided one another much of the week, still simmering from the unresolved dispute. Meanwhile, she stayed in touch with Ed with daily e-mails. It made her feel better to be able to vent her problems with work with a near-stranger, although there were certain subjects that were off-limits—like Mulder. She didn't want to explore that topic with Ed, afraid it might scare him off.

She did, however, mention her partner on more than one occasion. It could not be helped—she saw him on a daily basis, and they worked with other very closely.

On the weekend, Ed visited, like he promised. It was such a breath of fresh air to be able to forget about work for a while and just have fun. She was beginning to really like Ed. Being close to him brought out feelings in her body that she never would have imagined feeling again. She absolutely glowed when she was around him. They laughed—a lot.

On the second day of the weekend, they were at lunch when Scully's phone rang. She knew who it would be, but she still glanced at the number before pushing "ignore." She looked up to see a slightly disturbed look on Ed's face. "What?" she asked.

"Was that your partner?"

"Yeah, uh…yeah."

He looked down at the remainder of his food, pushing it around on his plate with his fork. But she guessed he couldn't let it drop, because he said, "Were you going to tell me it was your partner?"

This was not a question she expected. Was he doubting her honesty? "Of course! Why wouldn't I?"

He shook his head, and looked as if he was debating dropping the subject once again, but then decided against it with the next question. "Is there…anything between you two? I mean, he's called you twice this weekend, and you're always talking about…"

"…No, no, no, Ed. Of course not." She grabbed his hand, as if this would convince him somehow. "We work together. Nothing else. He is just very absorbed in his…our cases, and he likes to stay on top of them."

Ed did not look relieved. "Does that bother you?" she asked him.

His face brightened a little. "No. Of course not. I just…" He looked up at her for emphasis. "I have feelings for you Dana. I don't know if I could stomach the idea of someone else…"

"Ed. There is nobody but you. I promise."

Her stomach did little flip-flops. On the one hand, his sudden jealousy made her a little nervous. On the other hand, it was kind of cute, and she relished the idea that somebody was admitting feelings for her…that somebody openly cared for her. "By the way—I care about you too, Ed."

They got lost in each other's smiles across the table.


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's notes: So I decided I had to include a Mulder POV segment, because of the ending (which I already have planned). So here goes. Just so we're clear, this is NOT the final installment._

**Knocking on Heaven's Door**

**Chapter 4**

Mulder rustled through some papers as he decided to give up on his Rocky and Bullwinkle UFO case. He had gotten new information that finally convinced him it was a hoax, after all. For once, Scully was right—he should have given her more credit. She really was one smart woman, and that was important to him, because he was pretty intelligent himself. But not smart enough to notice how unhappy she had been lately.

He supposed he should have seen that she needed her own place in the basement. Or that she followed his every lead when it came to the cases he was so passionate about, even though she doubted every single one. Why did she try so hard, when she didn't believe the way he did?

It was for one reason, and he knew it—because of him. Either because he was so pushy, or because she respected and cared for him so much…or maybe both.

But lately, every time he thought he might cow down and impishly give in to her desires for more control at work, she brought up his name again, and jealousy flared its ugly head once more. Mulder wished that it didn't bother him—this Ed guy, but she had never seen the mushy love-lorn look on Scully's face before, and it drove Mulder crazy that the look was not about him.

So when he should have been trying to win her over, he pushed back instead. He made jokes about her dating, her tattoo, about meeting a strange guy in biker bar. He called her when he knew she was out at dinner with her lover, to ask an arcane question about an irrelevant case. He teased her that she was going to lose IQ points the more she hung out with Ed, even though he knew the comments stung. But really all he wanted to do was tell her that she was making a mistake. That Ed was not right for her because…because he would never care for her the way Mulder did.

But he also knew that was petty, and the she was a grown woman. And she had to make her own choices.

But he could make sure this guy was not the type who was going to hurt her. He could look out for her from a distance—in secret—in a way that would anger her if she knew what he was up to, but also in a way that could ultimately save her from the ultimate heartbreak.

Scully was not completely sure, but she thought she might be in love. She didn't know if she would even recognize it if it hit her over the head, but she knew that when she was with Ed, she felt like she was under the influence of a drug—one that made her feel like she was walking on air. And one that made her forget about Mulder.

She was glad to be over him, although it was hard to completely be over someone when things had never been allowed to develop in the first place. And especially when you saw that someone almost every day.

It had only been three weeks since she met Ed, but she still melted when she saw Ed's number come up on the phone. This weekend she had decided to go to his place, and give him a break from having to travel all the time. So here they were again—hot and heavy, Ed grabbing her ear between his teeth, arms all entangled, getting ready to head to the bedroom for the "naked pretzel", as Mulder liked to call it.

The phone rang, but there was no thrill like there used to be with knowing that it was Mulder. "Is it him again?" Ed hissed into her ear.

"Probably. I'll just let it go to voicemail."

There was thinly veiled anger in his voice. "Will you shut it off? I don't want to be interrupted again."

"Sure Ed. Just let me…" He grabbed her arm before she could make it two steps away.

"Why don't you just tell him to stop calling when you're with me?"

She sighed. "Ed, we've been over this. We work together. If we get called away for a case, and it's urgent, I have to go."

Ed's teeth were clenched, and she knew already from experience that this meant he was fighting a desperate battle with his own temper. "That's bullshit." His eyes pierced through her protective expression. "We both know he calls just to mark his territory."

Scully didn't know what to say. She wanted to protest, to say it wasn't true, but she knew it probably was. But what could she do? "You know what? Maybe…maybe I'll just tell him to only call if it's important."

To her surprise, this wasn't a good enough compromise for Ed. In fact, it seemed to anger him more, although he was still holding his rage under a fine layer of a mask. "No. You need to tell him to stop calling. Period." He paused, then added. "If you really care about me, you'll do this."

Scully now had a decision to make. She could stand up to him, which is what her outrage was signaling her to do. But then again, she was seeing a part of Ed that she had witnessed only in brief packets so far, and that brought on a feeling she had not experienced with any man so far—fear.

Which brought her to her other alternative—to stand down and do what he had asked. But she could not do that. It would set an unacceptable precedent, whereby she would have to give into his every whim, no matter how ridiculous, and only because she was afraid of what might happen if she didn't.

"No," she said defiantly, nostrils flaring and chin waving in the air. "I can tell him to only call if it's important, but I will _not _tell him never to call. That's going too far, Ed."

He was looking down now, as if he was involved in some elaborate decision-making process himself. Then before she even had time to contemplate what his options might be, he grabbed her by the hair and pulled back so hard that she found herself staring at the ceiling.

It took several seconds for her law enforcement training to kick in, and before it did he had time to wrap his other hand around her neck and push her against a wall. But survival instincts caught up to her, and she stomped on his foot so hard that he let off his grip just enough so that she could get some distance between her body and his. As he approached her in a full rage, she brought her elbow up and got a good blow in to his face.

This only enraged him further, but after all, she did have more training than him, and she was able to deflect a couple more attempts he made to get at her, and she got a few more painful shots in, one at his neck and one more that made a horrible crunching noise at his groin. She could have gone for more fatal blows, but she did have feelings for him, and she did not want to kill him, only stop him from coming after her any more.

While he was doubled over in pain, she managed to grab her purse and her keys, and she sprinted toward the door, sure of her escape. But a single word stopped her—"Wait!"

She hesitated, torn between wanting to give the man she loved a second chance and wanting to get out of this now before it got worse. But her unfailing logical mind took over, and she headed out the door. As soon as she felt she was completely out of danger, the tears started coming, and it felt like they would never stop.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's notes: Oh, you would think poor Scully would know better. But, like millions of other women out there, her heart is bigger than her head when it comes to love. _

**Knocking on Heaven's Door**

**Chapter 5**

Grateful that her wounds were not visible to the naked eye, Scully entered the basement office she shared with Mulder, still seething with anger at Ed. Underneath the anger were much deeper feelings of despair and humiliation. How could someone who supposedly loved her try so hard to hurt her, and with so little hesitation?

Maybe she should give him a little credit—he was not quite as smart as she was…maybe he was used to relying on brawn rather than brains. But she had no time to contemplate this new angle before Mulder entered.

She could not tell him what had happened, of course. It would be much the same as admitting that she liked green eggs and ham after being badgered by Sam I Am for about four weeks straight. But with way more embarrassment involved. Plus, she didn't know how Mulder would react, and she didn't want to see the two men she cared the most about knocking each other around, while wondering who to root for or whether it would be a fight to the death. (She was pretty sure Mulder would win, though).

So she kept her mouth shut, although she was certain Mulder knew something was wrong. Instead of the usual belligerent act he had been putting on lately, his voice had a certain gentle quality that she had not heard in a while. It made her feel safe.

The climax of the day was when she got the dreaded phone call. The one where Ed left a message apologizing profusely, promising it would never happen again.

She knew-of course she knew—that these were nothing more than warning signs. That she was being groomed to return long enough so that the cycle could begin again. Still, there was that stupid, nagging ache in her heart, the one that decided not to end this book at this particular chapter, by slamming it shut in the darkness of her lingering emotions. No, she had to read it to the end, like a bad romance novel. The trick was to not get so involved in the story that she could not extricate herself from it before it magically transformed her into the tragic main character.

Yes, she made the same mistake that thousands of other women do every single day. She called him back.

She justified her actions by positing that if she didn't confront him in person and make it clear where she stood with him, he would just keep calling her and stalking her until she did. He may even make a surprise visit to her home—an event she was sure she didn't want to experience.

But before she could state her well-rehearsed position, the hormones were already at work-as soon as he answered the phone. "Dana! Oh thank God. Dana…

"Listen Ed…"

"No wait…before you say anything…just let me say one thing."

She waited, as he had requested so many times before. The pinch in her stomach betrayed her resistance to this exchange. "Dana. I know this sounds…well…contrived. But I'm not just saying this because of what happened. I meant to tell you the other night…I love you Dana."

'_Damn these tears,_' she thought, as they began to stream. She walked out of the building and into a quiet place next to some bushes, so nobody would see or hear her in her weakest moment.

His voice continued. "I don't know…I don't know what happened to me the other night. One minute everything was wonderful, and then I was seeing red. And I know none of this is making you feel any better right now, but I just lost it. I don't know what's wrong with me…I've never been a violent man! Not even in my marriage. Maybe I have a problem that I am just now seeing, for some reason. All I know is that I would do anything…anything to have you back."

Here was the moment she knew she had to stay strong. "Ed…"

"Wait…please…before you say anything. I'm going to get help. I don't know if it's a medical problem, or psychological, or what. I don't know anything about these kinds of things. But you're a doctor. Maybe you would know where I need to go to get help? Please, Dana…I'm begging you."

This was not fair. He was appealing to her caring nature, the same aspect of her personality that had drawn her to become a doctor in the first place. But fair or not, it was working.

"Ed, I don't know. I can try to get you help, but I don't think I can do this with you…"

"No, Dana. Don't do this, please." But his voice was far from the controlling tone she had heard the other day. Instead, he was crying. Which made her cry too, despite her best efforts to maintain control. Maybe he really did have a medical problem. She had a vague memory of speaking to police officers about a chemical compound found in his blood. She had forgotten all about it in the flurry of activity surrounding their newly-budding romance. She wanted to believe that he really was a good person deep down—that this was a problem that could be fixed, and that all the qualities she loved about him would override his faults. This is how she caved.

He had found her weakest spot, and in doing so he had reduced her to another statistic. Even knowing this, she found herself saying, "Okay, Ed. But this better _never _happen again."


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's notes: Sorry to anyone who has been anxiously awaiting the next installment. I had a severe case of food poisoning which left me incapacitated the last few days. Here it is, and this is where it starts to get serious. Mwah ha ha!_

**Knocking on Heaven's Door**

**Chapter 6**

After much digging, Scully had found the little slip of paper that contained a combination of numbers of letters comprising a chemical compound that was present in Ed's bloodstream, and after a minimal amount of research, discovered that Ed's tattoo (and hers) contained ergot, which often brings on hallucinations. Even though she had no explanation why the chemical had not affected her as well, she felt that this was good news for Ed, and for her relationship with him. It meant that there may very well be a medical explanation for his aggressive behavior, and that he could be treated for it.

Surprisingly, her mood did not lift much with the news, however. She spaced out often during the week, and Mulder nagged at her constantly to find out what was wrong, but she was too distracted to notice. After much debate with herself, she decided to go visit Ed personally and talk to him about how to get help. He seemed more than willing, after all, and it would be a simple matter of visiting the hospital for testing and treatment.

Ed was ecstatic that she was coming, of course. But Friday came, and when she told Mulder her travel plans for the weekend, his tone changed from warm to desperate. She was more than tired of his little envious pity parties, though. "What's up with you?"

He hid his thoughts under an incredulous mask. "What do you mean? I didn't say anything."

She was in no mood for passive-aggressive behavior. "Ah, come on Mulder. Just come out and say it. You don't like the idea of me going to see Ed. We both know it."

"No…look," he said, his face softening. "Scully, I know it's none of my business who you date, and I'm sorry if it seems like I'm interfering. I just worry, is all. You never know about a person one-hundred percent, and there's no way of knowing if you can really trust this guy. I mean, have you even checked up on him?"

"Checked up on him? You mean, like a background check?" She felt herself transforming from mildly irritated to downright angry. "I think I can take care of myself, thank you."

She stormed past him and made it halfway through the door when he stopped her with his words. "Do you even know that he's under investigation by the police for the disappearance of a neighbor?"

She turned, knowing she needed to face him when she said her next words. "You've been doing a little checking up yourself, have you?" He shrugged. She hated when he was so nonchalant about his defiant attitude. "For your information, I do know about that, and the circumstances surrounding it."

She felt the need to get in his face to make herself completely understood. "Stay out of my business, Mulder. I mean it."

Scully sighed before knocking on Ed's door. He said he would do anything to get her back, but did he really mean it? Or, like most men who hit the women they love, was he just saying it to get her to return, so that he could continue with his abusive ways? She was about to find out, although she knew in her heart that if he laid the slightest finger on her once more, she would be gone for good. No amount of words in any order would be able to convince her to ever speak to him again.

So this was the moment of truth…at least for today.

She was not surprised in the least to see Ed acting like a cowed school boy. He had the requisite flowers—they were beautiful, as expected. He invited her to dinner—she said she wanted to talk to him first. He graciously offered her a drink—wine or tea—she was happy with water. They sat down across from one another in his bleak apartment to discuss the situation at hand, her with her cup of water, him with a bottle of beer.

She explained about the ergot in his blood. "So if you'll just go down to the hospital with me Ed, we can get you treated, and you'll probably feel a whole lot better. In fact, if you're willing to do that, I'll get checked out too, since I had the same type of chemical in my tattoo."

Thinking that her request was completely reasonable, she was shocked when he hesitated. "I don't know, Dana. I mean…I really don't like hospitals, and I don't trust doctors all that much…I mean, I know you're a doctor and all…"

She looked him straight in the eye as she interrupted him. "Ed. You said you would do anything to keep me. This is what I'm asking you to do."

He looked down. She continued, with complete resolve. "This is what you have to do if you want me to stay. I won't make an exception, Ed."

He looked at his right arm, where the remains of his burnt, scarred tattoo stood in dramatic contrast to his otherwise smooth, muscular skin. She thought he was debating the dangerous chemical contained in the body modification, and whether or not to have it removed. Soon she noticed him mumbling something, however, and with astonishment, she realized he was actually talking to the tattooed female face smiling up at him.

At first she could not hear the words he was saying. Her eyes widened when she heard him say, "No, I won't do it. I can't do it…don't ask me to…please." Before she could move to get out of her chair, the beer bottle in his left hand flew up to meet her head, and she heard a crash as it broke against her skull.

'_I'm in trouble_,' was the last thought that entered her mind before the blackness took over.


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's note: Wow, what an intense chapter to write. I must have a real sadist living inside me. Poor Scully. The good thing about fiction—there's always a way out…..or is there?_

**Knocking on Heaven's Door**

**Chapter 7**

Migraine would be an understatement, if one attempted to describe the pain coming from Scully's right temple. As a groggy form of consciousness began to return, she noticed that she could not move her hand to bring it up to her aching head, and then she realized that it was because her hands were both bound to the chair in which she was sitting-or rather, slouching. Although it hurt her head to do so, she attempted to open her eyes and raise her head. She felt dizzy, and she knew that this meant she was suffering either a concussion or a skull fracture, both of which needed to be treated and neither of which she could do anything about in this condition.

She fought off a bought of nausea and looked around the room for Ed. She did not see him, but it hurt too much to turn her head to look behind her. Moving her legs now, she felt that they were bound to the chair as well, and she had a cloth in her mouth as a gag.

A blurry version of Ed appeared from behind her. His voice was soft, even tender. "Sorry I tied you up—I can't have you running off getting me in trouble without getting a chance to talk to you. And sorry about the gag. I didn't want you to scream when you woke up. I'll take it off if you promise you will stay quiet, okay?"

She nodded. "Now don't go back on your word, or I'll put it right back in again." She would have nodded again, but it caused too much pain.

As soon as the gag was out though, she got the words she needed to say out as quickly as she could manage. "I need help, Ed. I need medical help right now." Seeing him standing firm made her realize he was not interested in meeting her request. She wanted to cry, but she was too tired. "Please…"

He paused, as if listening to that damned tattoo again, and said, "No, Dana. She was right. I should have listened to her from the beginning. She told me not to get involved with you…that you would hurt me. She was right."

Scully had no choice but to listen to this drivel. "I should have followed my own slogan." He paced as he lectured her. "Never again! I should have known the second you started talking about Mulder. Mulder this, Mulder that. You can't stop talking about him, Dana. Don't you see that you're breaking my heart?"

Scully felt her choices were limited here. If she ignored him, she would get nowhere, and maybe even infuriate him further. She decided to dredge up every bit of mental energy she could and try to engage him, maybe talk him into letting her go. "Ed, no. I work with him. That's the only reason I talked about him."

His head snapped to face her. "Bullshit!" His teeth clenched at the exact same time as his fist, which rose up to meet her jaw with a sickening smack. Her head dropped again, and before she felt the pain, she could taste the metallic sensation of her own blood beginning to flow inside her mouth.

She had to admit, this man hit hard.

She kept her head down in case he snapped again, her only defense against his violent hands. She kept quiet so she could try to sort through the muddled thoughts clouding her head. '_You're in charge Ed,_' she tried out in her mind, a phrase that she had been taught to use in hostage negotiations, but she had a feeling he already knew that.

'_Mulder knows I'm here, and he'll come to find me if he doesn't hear from me.' _Hell no. That would only result in being transferred to a more isolated location, or worse.

'_If you love me you would get me the help I need.' _No…absolutely not. That might infuriate him further.

In fact, she could not think of one single thing that she could say right now that might calm him down. Probably because there was no reasoning with a madman.

So she stayed absolutely silent. But it only took a few seconds for him to show his overwhelming remorse once again. "I'm so sorry, Dana. I'm trying to control myself-I really am…please look at me."

She forced her head up again, and pried her eyes in his general direction, but she could not manage to meet his maniacal eyes. It was just too terrifying to think of the look in them after any unintended slights he might perceive from her body movements.

He gently held her chin in his hand, as if that would persuade her to look him in the eye. "Dana, I must look like a monster to you right now. I just…I love you so much…I just feel so hurt that you obviously don't feel the same way about me. If I could only convince you…" The clenched muscles in his fingers reluctantly let loose her chin in a carefully restrained manner. His fury was simmering just below the surface.

He could not hold it in any more. "Look at me!" he snapped, and her eyes immediately obeyed, despite her urge to resist. She tried her best to appear humble instead of defiant, although it was a struggle due to the inconsistency with her true feelings.

Sensing her fear, he softened yet again, and turned away from her to light a cigarette. It was obviously a constant conflict within him—the struggle between his feelings of tenderness and his violent urges. If only she could convince him to get help…

Her attention turned back to his actions—he was scowling at the tattoo. He took a drag from his cigarette and carefully aimed it at the eye of evil woman on his arm. But he stopped short, saying, "No…no."

He clenched his teeth and looked at Scully again. "She's right. I HATE her, but she's right. She never leaves me, she doesn't run with other guys, and I never have to question her love. You, on the other hand…"

Scully watched him bring the cigarette to her bare arm, but couldn't bear to keep her eyes on burning embers meeting her own skin. She tried to resist voicing her agony, but couldn't. She heard her own voice let out an "AaaaaAAAAAHHH!" He left it there for several seconds, and she didn't notice that she was practically hyperventilating until he finally pulled it away.

"Now," he scolded her, "I'm going to have to put the gag back in...you'll draw attention to us, and we can't have that…now can we?"


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's notes: So this section was a lot harder to write—I guess I am getting a bit picky the closer it gets to the ending. I may have dragged this out a little too long, not sure, but I had to get the timing of it just right. Let me know what you think in the comments. _

_I divided it into parts because the formatting on this site doesn't allow me to make section breaks by using spacing—it doesn't add in the extra spaces, so it gets confusing when I am transitioning to a new section within the chapter. _

**Knocking on Heaven's Door**

**Chapter 8**

Part 1.

Mulder knew he should listen to Scully and stay out of her business. And he tried real hard to do just that—for about as long as it took to tie his shoe after she walked out. But he had huge concerns about Ed that just would not leave his mind no matter how vehemently she opposed his intrusive ways.

He had nothing more than another one of his hunches, but he had learned to respect those, since they had proven to be surprisingly accurate in the past. But what could he do? She was going to see him again, and he could not stop that. He had to let her go, and although he had thought of following her, he decided that it would be a little extreme, even for him. So he sat and waited, and wondered how much time should pass so that his first phone call would not seem like "snooping, causing her to become annoyed enough to ignore him all weekend.

The hours passed. Mulder tried to keep himself occupied by drinking at his favorite dive, and then went home to watch old porn. By the time he called her that evening, she should have had plenty of time to get to Ed's and get settled in. He was not surprised when she didn't answer. He wondered if they were "doing it" it right now. He tried to erase the torturous thought from his mind.

He went to bed that night having no idea what was going on in her universe, and that bothered him so bad that there was no way he would be able to sleep. He may have to become a little more meddlesome than she could accept, if only for his own peace of mind.

Part 2.

Scully aroused in a darkened room. She did not know what time it was, only that the night had arrived, which made this place seem even more foreboding. Her breathing quickened when she heard movement from the corner of the room, knowing that it was Ed. She tried to remember how many hours had passed, but her mind was in a fog, and all the moments she had been here were strung together in one long memory.

What stood etched in her psyche were the worst moments—the ones that took forever to pass but felt like they were still happening even after they were over. Like when he reached behind her back and grabbed her finger, twisting it until she felt it snap. Or the pocket knife he pulled out and used to carve his name into her exposed chest. If he had been trying to brand her, he succeeded—she was sure the marks were deep enough that they would never go away completely.

But the wounds that hurt the worst were the burn marks he left on her body. She could see three of them on her arm right now—perfectly round, black welts with bits of skin still clinging to them. She had a new hatred for cigarettes.

In the rare moments of mental and emotional clarity, her intellect took over and ran through the gamut of escape plans. In the rare instances when he was inactive and disengaged from her, she used her flagging energy to move her hands, if only a little bit, so that she could use the force of friction to wear through the duct tape binding them to the chair. But it was an impossibly tedious task. She could only think of one plan that might work right now, but he would have to remove the gag so that she could talk to him.

At some point during the hours of her distress, she heard her phone ring, and she knew who it was. But of course, so did Ed, and he smashed the thing against the table until it broke. She wondered how long it would take for Mulder to get worried about her and come here to find her. Would he break in to find her tortured and lifeless body on the floor and Ed long gone? Or would Ed try to dispose of her and hide his awful act from the authorities? She shuddered.

The rustling that signified Ed's presence got louder, and she watched his shadow out of the corner of her eye. He had settled down for some period of time—she did not know how long. '_He probably needed his sleep,'_ she thought sarcastically, '_after that last beating—I'm sure it took a lot out of him._'

What little feelings of affection that had remained for him when she arrived here had all vanished in her struggle for survival. Experts claim that when a person is held hostage, they develop a syndrome that causes them to have empathy for their captors. She felt none of that. Maybe she had not been held against her will long enough, but all she felt right now was pure hatred for this man she once loved.

As his figure approached from the recesses of the room, she recoiled involuntarily. But he used his boyish, affectionate voice to tell her, "Dana, I've been thinking. Maybe if you could ever find it in your heart to forgive me for this…" She stifled a cynical laugh, knowing that if he even saw her shoulders moving, it could be dangerous. "…if I could just get help…we could move closer together, maybe even get a place of our own."

As he finished the words, though, an agonized look transformed his face, as if he realized that what he said was no longer possible. Scully remembered having seen a tarot card in a case she worked on last year, a picture of a man lying flat on the ground with ten swords redundantly sticking out of his back. Ed looked like he knew how that man felt.

Maybe she could use this to her advantage—this gentle romanticism he felt towards her, when his bipolar moods were swinging in the right direction. But first she had to get him to listen. She mumbled through her gag at him.

He looked at her as if he had never realized that she had the revolting thing in her mouth. "What is it Dana?"

He came to her and reached his hands behind her head to untie the rag, although she closed her eyes and braced herself in case he should experience a sudden fit of uncontrollable rage. Her mouth free now, she began to speak, and found that her voice was something of a hoarse whisper. She guessed that she must be dehydrated. "Ed…" She despised his name, but she had to maintain the illusion that she still cared for him. "I think we might be able to make it work…I could forget everything and we could start fresh. All I need is to recover—just show me you care enough to let me get help and get better, and I won't tell anyone that you did any of this…I promise."

She winced, expecting another blow to the face as his hand started to rise, but he brought it up to his own cherubic face instead and rubbed his cheek thoughtfully. "I don't know, Dana…I don't think there's any way I can do that at this point. I mean…" He stared into space, trying to think things through to their logical conclusion. "…they're gonna know it was me who did this. If they don't, they'll figure it out. No…no, I think we're gonna have to work this out between the two of us."

She waited until she was sure he was finished, and watched as he pulled out another cigarette. The sight of it made her stomach drop. "But I need medical help, Ed."

He looked at her in between drags of his cigarette. "Sorry, no. I can't…I can't risk it." She noted a thin layer of tension building up in his voice, indicating a rising agitation level.

She gave up and took another approach. "Well can I at least use the restroom?"

She could tell he was considering it. Finally, he said, "Not right now. I'm too tired, and I know you would use that to your advantage. You'll have to wait until morning."

She decided to risk pushing it. "But I really have to go. Please?"

He glanced down at the woman's face on his arm, then squinted at Scully with dawning suspicion. She knew she was in trouble now. With no idea what the next assault might bring, she was torn between keeping her eyes open to prepare herself for what he was about to do and closing them so that she wouldn't have to watch. She thought it was better to know, even though she could do nothing about it, and she saw his hand reach up to grab a chunk of hair on the back of her head. He pulled her head back so hard that she could feel individual hairs being ripped out of their socket, and he said in an even tone, "You'd like that, wouldn't you? So you can escape?"

Pushing her head away now, he turned away from her and rubbed the back of his own head, then spun around so quick that she didn't even see his fist before it flew up and hit her in the cheek. More than the pain, she was concerned about the fact that she already had a concussion, and if he hit her in the same spot again, her brain could fill up with blood, quickly causing her permanent brain damage or death.

Sometimes it was worse knowing all the ways a person could die.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's notes: Oh. My. Goodness. Take a deep breath now, cuz you're gonna need it by the end of this chapter. That's all I have to say._ _Oh wait, no. I have one more thing to add—thanks for the comments. I'm sorry I haven't responded to all of them, but I do appreciate every single one. _

**Knocking on Heaven's Door**

**Chapter Nine**

Part 1.

Mulder felt guilty driving all the way to Philadelphia to spy on his partner. But hey, it was a free country, after all, and it had been a while since he visited the City of Brotherly Love. The first stop on his tourist vacation would be the Philadelphia police department.

Part 2.

A sliver of light slipped through the window and pried its way into Scully's eyes, reminding her of the bulging pain in her right temple. Now she really did have to use the little girl's room, and she was grateful that Ed had left the gag out so she could remind him of his promise to let her go in the morning. Moving her hands a little, she could feel that she was making no progress in loosening the tape. Ed was passed out on the couch, but he stirred as soon as he sensed her movement. Voice cracking, she tentatively asked, "Ed, can I use the bathroom now?"

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and nodded. Scully wondered if the rest he got had lightened his mood any. "Okay…and then I'll get us some breakfast," he said, as if they were waking up in bed together like any other Saturday morning.

He approached her with his pocket knife, a sharp-looking shiny object with jagged edges. Holding it up in front of her so that she could see the remnants of her blood in the crevices, he said, "Remember, no tricks."

Once he had cut off the duct tape, she could feel how stiff her arms and legs were from holding them still for so long. It took her a second to stand up due to the rigidity in her joints, and then it was hard to remain standing because she felt woozy. Even in her weakened condition, though, Ed kept his arm around her throat with the knife prominently poised close to her jugular vein. She knew that if she was to make a move toward freedom, she had better get it right the first time.

She did her business with Ed's knife against her throat the entire time, and they made their way back to the chair in jerky little movements. Scanning the room for any opportunity, she waited for just the right moment. They were halfway back when she began to wonder if it wasn't going to happen—she could sense his body tensing against hers, feeling her out for any unusual movements.

As they passed the front door, a noise in the hallway caught Ed's attention for a second, and Scully knew that the perfect timing of happenstance had finally aligned itself in her favor. She smacked the hand that held the knife away from her neck with both hands and burst away from him at the same time, catching him by surprise and allowing her to get out of his grip. But he was still too close—she did not have time to open the front door, so she ran towards the kitchen in hopes of finding a weapon of her own.

"BITCH!" he called after her, and lunged toward the kitchen in pursuit. She had thought that once she got out of his grip, she might have a good chance of getting away, but she had underestimated her debilitated body. And so she stumbled twice on her way to the cabinet drawers, and tried to remember which one contained the knives. She got the drawer open just as Ed reached her, and had barely enough time to pull out a cutting knife and run it across the hand reaching for her.

"Ah!" he cried out in pain, and stopped long enough for her to begin running away from him once again. The front door was her new goal, and it was just a few steps away. She reached for the handle, unsure where Ed was, but knowing that once it was open, there was a good chance this nightmare would finally be over.

Her heart pounded in her ears when she felt the hand on her back, and it only took one small shove to knock her off balance, causing her to stumble and fall to her knees.

She knew it was all over when she felt herself being yanked backwards by the back of her shirt. She landed next to the chair that had held her for so many hours, and was thoroughly discouraged to discover that Ed had his tennis shoes on, because they began to land hard blows into her abdomen. Her first instinct was to grab his foot, but she knew that she was too weak to bring him down. She saw a foot coming towards her head, and she held her arms up to protect her already-battered skull.

He circled her, and his feet kept coming hard and fast, often making contact with her ribs. She wanted to tell him to stop, that he was going to kill her, but she couldn't manage to breathe, let alone talk. So she curled into a ball and hoped that he would manage to find an ounce of restraint before it was too late.

Part 3.

Mulder was not happy with the results of his investigation on Saturday morning. The police did not feel that they had enough to arrest Ed Jerse for the murder of his neighbor just yet, but they had enough evidence to feel confident that he was the most likely suspect. Jehovah's witnesses had visited his apartment the night before the neighbor went missing, and they claimed Ed was behaving strangely, making accusations that the neighbor was yelling at him, even when they heard nothing. They said he acted as if he was on drugs.

This was enough to convince Mulder, but would it be enough for Scully? He did not think so, and yet he felt compelled to go over there to talk to her. But he knew it was a fine line he was walking, and she might never forgive him if he showed up at Ed's apartment with such a weak case against him. He almost decided to turn around and drive home.

But the same thing that made him so successful at solving the x-files was the same quality that was a curse to his relationship with Scully—he just _could not_ give up when something was eating at him. So despite all the warnings resounding in his head, he stared at the map and found the best way to get there.

He was almost to Ed's door when he realized something was seriously wrong. There was a lot of commotion nearby, and it only took one cry in the sound of Scully's voice to compel him to draw his gun and rush to the entrance. When he tried the door and found it locked, he did not hesitate to kick the door in.

The following moments jumbled together as the seconds passed by like hours, confusion clearing only to be replaced by more confusion. There was Scully on the floor, Ed standing over her with feet flying towards her. Mulder heard the words "Stop! Freeze!" coming from his own lips, and was well aware that his gun was pointing at Ed, but the man acted like Mulder did not exist and kept right on treating Scully like a soccer ball.

Ed was on a mission, but so was Mulder. Anger clouded his head, and he struggled desperately to keep from pulling the trigger. Instead, he relished the idea of giving Ed some of his own medicine, and tackled the asshole to the floor. "Son of a bitch…" he hissed through gritted teeth, and pummeled Ed's face with his gun. But then he remembered Scully, and proceeded to turn Ed over so he could handcuff the guy and help her.

But Ed made Mulder's decision whether to let him live easier—he decided to fight back in one last suicidal effort, and as soon as he wrestled himself around and brought a knife seemingly out of nowhere, Mulder's finger involuntarily twitched and the sound of the gun exploding signified the end of Ed's life.

Now Mulder brought all his attention to Scully, who was still curled up in a ball and barely moving—he was at her side in a flash, but it felt like he was moving in slow motion as he scanned her profile for wounds. Everywhere he looked he saw them—one side of her face was puffy and red, the other side had bruising under her eye and dried blood caked next to her mouth. A huge red stain covered the front of her shirt, and there were small burn marks covering her arms. He wasn't sure where to begin.

He touched her arm tenderly, as if she was a porcelain doll ready to break. "Scully?"

She opened her eyes and stared at him in disbelief. She spoke one word between each labored breath. "What…took…you…so…long?"

He flashed a smile, but the levity ended when she said, "Can't…breathe."

He gingerly examined her ribs with his fingers, and found that one of them was uneven. "It's broken—you may have a punctured lung. Lay still, Scully."

Panic began to set in, and it caused Mulder to misdial twice before he got the nine and the ones in the right order. He managed to stay on the line with dispatch until he was certain that an ambulance was on the way.

He stroked an uninjured patch of Scully's arm as he helplessly watched her gasping for air. Trying hard to conceal the alarm in his voice, he asked, "Scully, what can I do to help?"

But there was not enough air in her lungs to allow her to answer. After a few seconds of labored breathing, she grabbed his hand and closed her eyes tightly in one last concentrated effort. Her breathing stopped for several seconds, and then she gasped again, and Mulder held his own breath as he watched this cycle repeat itself several times before it stopped altogether. "Scully," he whispered, "Stay with me…please."


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's notes: To me, it's not an X-file if it doesn't contain some paranormal element. So here it is. I had to go back a little in time to get all of Scully's POV. Have patience, gonna probably toggle between the two POV's in the next installment._

**Knocking on Heaven's Door**

**Chapter Ten**

Part 1.

Scully was not breathing, and Mulder felt incredibly useless watching her motionless body. He was afraid to do CPR, afraid that he might gouge an even bigger hole into her collapsed lungs.

In everyday life, men like him were supposed to be macho and tough, but when it came right down to it, he was human like everyone else, and he did not try to hold back the tears that were running freely from his cheeks onto Scully's skin. If he could not leave this life with her, at least he could leave a little part of himself with her.

Just as he had given up on any hope of rescue, the EMT's arrived and shoved him out of the way. Mulder witnessed flashlights shining in her eyes, scissors cutting away her clothing, syringes puncturing her chest, and yet he still did not hear the magic words—"We have a pulse."

The slab of a stretcher carried her away to her awaiting chariot with flashing lights. He forced his way into the ambulance so that he could ride with her—he had to be with her in case this was the last time he saw her skin this warm and pink. The paramedics must have seen a crazy look in his eye, because they did not ask him to leave.

They inserted a tube into her chest while Mulder held her hand in a vice grip. '_Please don't leave me Scully,' _he thought. '_I still have so much to tell you…_'

Part 2.

Scully had been close to unconsciousness and unable to react when Mulder burst through the door. She was unaware of the chaos around her after that—the scuffle between Mulder and Ed…the gunshot…Ed lying on the floor. All she knew was that the attack was over, and she was in pain but still alive.

Her elation at seeing Mulder's face had evaporated at the realization that she could not breathe, however. At first it felt like she was trying to suck air through a straw. But then her condition deteriorated in a flash, and she could not move her chest at all. It felt a lot like drowning.

She never lost consciousness though. Instead, one minute she was frantic, struggling to cling to the only life she had ever known. The next moment she was calm, tranquil. She looked up at Mulder, and wondered why he was so upset. And then, she was looking down at him instead, and she had an eagle eye view of the whole room. Puzzled, she wondered who those two people were who were in such bad shape lying on the ground.

When the light bulb went on in her mind, her first thought was of comforting poor Mulder, whose tears revealed the raw emotions he was experiencing. '_It's okay, Mulder…I'm still here with you.' _She wished he could hear her.

She stayed with him, feeling no panic or anxiety at all over the fact that she was dead. The only thing she felt was a mixture of sadness for her grieving partner, relief that she was in no more pain, and sheer bliss—from what, she did not know.

The scene changed, however, when she felt herself sucked through a vortex and instantaneously drawn into a large area with little in the way of shadows, and mostly light intermixed with the most vibrant, nameless colors she had ever seen.

She felt no time in this place—there was no place to go, nothing that needed to be done. The state of ecstasy that she first felt after floating out of her body transformed into a more complete state of elation. Wow—had she been here before? It felt like home.

Then she noticed someone who had been standing there the whole time—she had only to bring her awareness to the person and she magically appeared. Scully's heart felt like it might explode when she saw it was her sister Melissa.

Her deceased sibling greeted her warmly. "Dana…"

"Oh my God, Melissa—I can't believe it's really you!"

Her sister was shimmering in the light, and she looked even better than she had while living. Scully found it odd that she believed without one sliver of a doubt that this was all real, while her Earthly self would have been questioning whether it was just her own imagination hallucinating in a final spark of brain activity.

Melissa's face turned serious. "You can't stay here, Dana."

Scully's heart sank. "But…but I don't want to go back." She could not imagine going from this eternal state of pure joy back to the torturous hell that was her existence on the material realm.

But Melissa knew exactly what to say to convince her. "What about Mulder? That man really needs you right now."

Scully sighed, and thought of all the sacrifices she had made for the man she cared about so much. Those thoughts were quickly replaced by thoughts of his hazel eyes and dark hair, his laugh, the way he touched her so tenderly even when they were doing nothing more than investigating a case. His intensity…the way he looked at her…the sadness in his eyes when she died in front of him.

Well, at least she would have her anchor when she returned to the land of pain. "Dana," Melissa said in one parting bit of wisdom, "I'll be there for you when it gets hard. Always remember that—even if you can't see me, just know that I'm there."

Scully was amazed that she could still cry in the afterlife, and she nodded her head one last time as she felt the same sucking sensation as before, as if she was being drawn through a vacuum hose.

And then she was awake, and the pain was like a shock to her recharged soul.


	11. Chapter 11

_Author's notes: As much as I love this story, all good things must come to an end. So here it is, the final installment. Enjoy!_

**Knocking on Heaven's Door**

**Chapter Eleven**

Part 1.

Mulder rubbed his hands over his face, trying to cope with the thought that Scully was probably not going to make it. They were still in the ambulance, and the EMT's had out the paddles they used in desperate attempts to shock people back to life. Mulder wasn't sure how often that really worked, but he knew Scully had not been breathing for over ten minutes now, and the chances of her coming back now were very slim.

He wiped away tears as he thought of all the things he wished he had said. Why had he been so mean? He knew that it was because he loved her so much, but did she know that? Why couldn't he just say it to her? Now she would never know.

He tried to toughen up, to steel his mind and accept that he would have to go on without her. Just another loss in his life—he had been through this before and lived through it. But somehow, it was harder to accept when it was Scully. She was more than just another person he loved. Sometimes she was the one who held him together. Sometimes when things got hard, just the thought of her locks of red hair folding perfectly around her inquisitive face helped him to make it through. The hole he was feeling in his heart right now was unbearable, like a chunk of himself had gone missing.

Then he heard a cough, and he looked up to see the slightest movement of her head, and wept openly while stroking her face. "I don't believe it…we have a pulse," the technician said in amazement.

Mulder smiled, and clutched a tuft of her hair. "Thank God…Scully, thank God you're back."

Part 2.

'_Oh God, why did I have to come back here?' _Scully agonized, as she felt every nerve ending flare up in an electrical overload. It literally hurt to breathe, and she had to wiggle her toes to make sure that there was at least one part of her body that was not in pain.

But all of the misery was worth it when she opened her eyes and saw Mulder's sobbing, smiling face staring down at her. The gentle fingers he used to stroke her hair were the only contrast to the stark, aching hardness contained in the rest of her body, but it was this one soothing bit of contact that helped her know that she would be okay, that she could tolerate the limits of human suffering if her reward was more of his soft touch.

Part 3.

Mulder leaned in to hear something that Scully was whispering to him. "Pain…meds…please," she said.

Mulder noticed for the first time that her hand, which had been cold, was now warm but trembling. One finger was swollen and bent out of place, but she did not complain that he was holding her hand. He asked a technician if he could get her something, and the tech took a break from working on her to comply. Once the drugs passed through the IV, her face softened in relief.

Like a car being repaired, the medical personnel in the ambulance and at the hospital worked on each part of Scully until she was pieced together again. She had to have surgery to repair the hole in her lung. When he saw her again, much of her body was bandaged, including her head.

In her hospital room after the surgery, she opened her eyes to find Mulder there, and she smiled for the first time since she came back to life. Her voice was cracked and barely audible, but she managed to croak, "You have no idea how lucky you are."

He stared at her, puzzled. He had no idea what she meant—if anyone was lucky, it was her, for being alive right now. But he figured she must be delirious from the anesthesia still, and smiled back at her, acting as if she was making sense. "Just rest, Scully," he said, hoping she did not overwork her injured lungs.

She seemed so fragile—the doctors said she had suffered a concussion, two broken ribs, a broken finger, knife wounds to her chest, and numerous cigarette burns on her arms. It was hard to believe that just yesterday she was in perfect health. He guessed her survival was a testament to the resilience of the human body. But he also knew that it was a testament to something else—her own inner strength and courage. He liked to think that another woman subjected to the same torture might not have had the will to live in the end. That was his Scully—she was a fighter.

Scully slept through much of the next few days, and Mulder used that time to brood in his own unique blend of emotions. Much of the time, he felt guilt for not taking action quicker, although it was ironic that he had felt guilty before for meddling too much. But he felt guilt for other things, as well—mainly because of the way he had treated her before she went to see Ed. If he had not driven her away…well, he could not live with himself if he dwelled on that line of thinking.

One day he entered her room with a colorful arrangement of flowers held by an adorable teddy bear. She was sitting up in bed this time, and smiling. "Ah, that's sweet, Mulder," she said, her voice back to normal.

Mulder beamed back at her. "You look like you're feeling better."

He couldn't help noticing that her eyes seemed to be twinkling. "Yeah…my ribs are still sore, but the rest of me is better."

He sat down on the edge of her bed, and they spent a few long moments staring at each other in silence. He wondered if she was thinking the same thing as him—how fortunate they were to be sitting here enjoying each other's company right now. He soaked up her energy and enjoyed the tingles he felt when absorbing it into his own.

He took a deep breath and looked down to find her hand and gingerly place it in his own. This was the same hand that, merely days before, had been lifeless and cold to the touch. Now the injured finger was bandaged, but it was warm and soft, and he marveled at that miracle before he began to speak. "Scully," he said, and looked up to meet her eyes. The words were suddenly difficult to retrieve. "When I thought I lost you…" He choked back tears and continued, "And over the last few days...I had a lot of time to think. I wish I could make up to you the fact that I never said this before…I know you've been miserable, and you said it's not all about me, but I know I haven't been the best person-the best man-I could be lately."

Her face started to scrunch up into the expression he knew so well—the one where she was about to cry. He was afraid to add any additional stress to her recovering frame, but he continued anyway. "I just want to say..." He shook his head. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I act the way I do sometimes, and I know that's no excuse. But I'm going to try and think about someone besides myself for once, because…" He looked down at her hand again, unable to say the words while looking her in the eye. "Because I love you."

He felt wetness on his face, and looked up to see that her face was not exactly dry either. Wiping an errant tear from her cheek, he said, "I love you so much…I don't know why I never admitted it to you…I don't even think I admitted it to myself. But I feel this sudden compulsion to show you exactly how strongly I feel about you." He shook his head again. "I won't let you slip away again."

He held his breath as he awaited her reaction. He was taking a real chance, because he had no idea how she felt about him. There may have been a time when she would have returned the sentiment, but since she started dating Ed, Mulder had felt nothing but coldness from her.

Crying, she answered his lingering question by nodding her head while saying, "I love you too Mulder. I tried to forget about you with Ed, but I don't think I ever did."

They both sat there silently weeping and smiling like idiots for a few moments, and then Mulder saw the opportunity to finally do what he really wanted to do—he started out by leaning in and gently wrapping his arms around her, so as to not hurt her. She did not complain, and did her best to return the gesture by putting her arms around him as well. He pulled away so that he could see her, and she confirmed with the desire in her eyes that she wanted more. He moved his head forward so that his lips tenderly pressed against hers, and began exploring that sumptuous mouth that had tempted him for so long.

Part 3.

Scully marveled at how the same lips that could spew out venom so readily in the past could now cause her to melt into a puddle right here in the middle of the hospital. Unlike Ed though, she felt confident that Mulder's promises would not disintegrate into escalated violence. Trust. That was the difference—years of trust that had developed between them, after fighting together and coming through numerous dangerous incidents with only each other to rely on.

Maybe this was a honeymoon period they were celebrating, walking on cloud nine because of the near-death experience that threatened to separate them for good in this life-time. And perhaps things would go back to the way they had before, and she would find herself miserable again in six months. But Scully felt a re-awakening of sorts, reinvigorated by her new appreciation for how fragile and fleeting life really was. She felt she could handle a few stray sarcastic remarks, after pulling through the most difficult, most painful experience of her life.

And now she knew that death was not the end, either. Sometimes over the last few days, she had felt her sister's presence beside her, and she did not question it as she would have previously. What she had seen was real—and she did not need to prove it to her rational mind this time. She did not know whether the loosening of her grip on the need for scientific proof was a permanent thing, but in the case of the afterlife, it was.

She found herself staring at Mulder's glowing face, wanting more and more and more. He knew what she was thinking, because he leaned in again, and kissed her, much deeper than before.

Part 4.

"Just tell me what it is, Mulder—this is too hard to do." She was trying to walk in heels down the stairs leading to their basement office—with Mulder's hand over her eyes.

"No no! That would spoil the surprise," he said, with a boyish glee in his voice. "Okay, now you can open them."

Scully's mouth popped open at the sight in front of her. "Mulder! I don't know what to say…" She turned to face him, and one of his eyebrows shot up in a look that meant she could thank him in other ways than with words. She grabbed ahold of him in a bear hug and said, "Thank you!" And then she pulled away far enough to kiss him hard on the lips, pressing her body into him at the same time.

"Maybe we could find a way to break it in," he said, picking her up in a moment of impulse and setting her down on her present—a beautiful executive desk, facing his, with a nameplate that read, "Dana Scully" prominently in the center, which he hastily swept away so that they could use the entire surface.

The End


End file.
